Todd and I drove down to south Missouri yesterday, a two hour trip, to see his mom and kids. On our trip we talked and discussed because we don't get that "in a car, cannot go anywhere, have to talk" kind of time. In that conversation we talked about Baby Ava and how I cannot understand what God thinks sometimes and how upset I was at him. Life is not easy as it is, then you throw so many things at one family, a good family, a family that struggles to do the right things, raise their kids to love Him and follow Him...then he takes their precious daughters life? I have had a very hard time dealing with their loss, our loss. I am not sure why exactly, except that any one of us could be in their shoes. I WAS there, the endless hours at the hospital, the constant worry, the ups and downs of becoming better, being there day after day by the side of a sick child should be more than enough to show God that you love and want this child on earth with us.
I know we don't know what His plan is for us. I know there may have been harder, more challenging things for Ava in the future. I know I don't know a lot and I probably shouldn't have voiced my waiver of faith but sometimes it just gets too much.
Today Ava's earthly parents will bury her and say their farewells and my heart is heavy.
Birthday Number Twelve
5 weeks ago