I find it hard to sleep with Tucker in the shape he is. I am struggling with the fact that we brought him here a very happy, loving , active boy....and now he is hooked up to so many machines! I am struggling with "the unknown".
We know today would have been a world record on waking up from this surgery....it was a major surgery...but because they tried and we failed, because we are now blowing i.v's, because we are on that up and down roller coaster of good numbers vs bad numbers on saturations/blood pressures/arterial pressures.....the reality of the whole thing is setting in. We have been in Boston one week....it isnt even July 1 yet. We still have a lot of up and down days ahead....and to be very very honest....I just dont know how we will get through it.
Tentions are high, nerves are frazzled...I think if we had not been here before then we would not be so fast to be frustrated but we have been in this spot twice before....two other surgeries that we have gone through on Tuckers heart.....and to know the long road that we have ahead is hard to know.
Sorry about the downer post.....just a lot on our minds and hearts.
Birthday Number Twelve
1 month ago