Sunday, June 28, 2009

Heavy heart...so starts the roller coaster

I find it hard to sleep with Tucker in the shape he is. I am struggling with the fact that we brought him here a very happy, loving , active boy....and now he is hooked up to so many machines! I am struggling with "the unknown".

We know today would have been a world record on waking up from this surgery....it was a major surgery...but because they tried and we failed, because we are now blowing i.v's, because we are on that up and down roller coaster of good numbers vs bad numbers on saturations/blood pressures/arterial pressures.....the reality of the whole thing is setting in. We have been in Boston one week....it isnt even July 1 yet. We still have a lot of up and down days ahead....and to be very very honest....I just dont know how we will get through it.

Tentions are high, nerves are frazzled...I think if we had not been here before then we would not be so fast to be frustrated but we have been in this spot twice before....two other surgeries that we have gone through on Tuckers heart.....and to know the long road that we have ahead is hard to know.

Sorry about the downer post.....just a lot on our minds and hearts.

14 comments:

Tina Barrett said...

Oh Karen, keep remembering why you did this. Pink fingers, pink toes, pink lips, and many, many years of life together. You may have two more hard weeks, but you gained decades of life together. His heart is perfect now! No more surgeries.

It's so hard to watch them take the life out of your child, but the reasons they did are amazing.

Get some sleep. I wish I was there to sit with Tucker so I could MAKE you go lie down someplace. You haven't slept in a week. You need to be at your best when Tucker wakes up. I'm going to take back my "drink all the caffiene you want" order and put you to bed!

Love you both and we're praying.

Tina & Family

kimk said...

yes, you need sleep. getting sleep, helps you find the strengh...and I know it is so hard, had moments when I thought the next person to hurt Will was going to get Knocked of their feet! But remember this...Your Tucker is deep down, and sleeping, those reactions you see now are drug induced...He WILL NOT remember this time, and he Will get better and a life time is WORTH it.
I know its hard, been there, crying while I held my baby down for IVs, pic lines, draws, breathing tx, xrays, chest pt, ng tubes..SUCKS Sucks Sucks...but it is worth it...you had no choice, something had to be done for Tucker.

You are a wonderful family for Tucker and with time, lots of it, he will be back in full force...

Prayers for today, just one momenet at a time...Im with you I promise...
not a lecture, just encouragement to get you thru one more procedure...and another and another..

Anonymous said...

Karen.....everyone who loves Tucker is thinking of him and praying for him - as well as your entire family. Words can't express what admiration we at Great Beginnings have for Tucker and your family! Big hugs to Tucker!!!

Vicki Diggs

Zachery&Allie*Mommy said...

Karen..hang in there I know this is a hard time for you not knowing and see your baby boy like that..I have to admit I dropped a few tears for you this morning..I know seeing your baby like that is so hard..I wish that I could be there with you to help you out! Even though were just getting to know each other, I would be there for you, I know that your mind is so boggeled, and you just feel like your numb..Karen I honestly know how you feel and I'm praying for your and your little man..stay strong Tuck needs his mommy to stay strong..so he can get strong! I'll e-mail you later, and post some funny pic's of Allie( who looks like a hillbillie) :) maybe that will give you a little giggel!call me if you need to I'm at home

Angel Gabi's Mommy said...

You have every right to be concerned about the unknown, but one thing is for sure Tucker is a fighter! He along with your entire family will keep encouraging one another. Some days are definitely harder than other, but you have been blessed with such an amazing little boy. God is good and he will protect your little one. Unfortunately you cannot speed up the process, but remember everyday is one step closer to him to him back in your arms where he belongs...or maybe I should say one step closer to him running around being a little crazy man!

Trust in the Lord he will bring you strength you never knew you had. Until then, I am continuing to pray for your strength as well a Tuckers.

XOXO Tucker!!!

Carey said...

Vent those frazzled nerves all you want. I can't even imagine seeing your little one hooked up to all of that. Just remember, in his own time. That's the story of their lives! Hugs, Carey

Courtni said...

Hey Bryant family-
This is Ms.Courtni..I wanted to say that he is in everyones prayers and thoughts every min. of the day!!!! We all miss him so much,so for our lil man....WE MISS YOU! Get Well SOON!!!!<3 :)

Rachel Dominguez said...

Praying for you all here in Kansas City!

Anonymous said...

Karen- Hey it's Whitney. We are praying for Tuck Tuck here at NEEC EVERY DAY!!! Tell him we love him and he will be receiving a package from us very soon!!! GO TUCKER GO!!!

Whitney and Orange Room Friends

Midwest Mommy said...

Oh my god I had no idea, I am so sorry. I thought when you said blogging break it was a good thing. I am so so sorry. I hope everything starts turning around.

Midwest Mommy said...

Ok, I just realized the comment I left you was directed towards another blog I just read who linked to your blog. I realize you are not taking a blogging break. I am sorry I was confused. I am still praying for your little guy.

mommy to Kaden, Brody and angel Ava said...

My eyes are full of tears right now. I know the anxiety you feel right now, the fear you are going through, the thought of what happened to that "healthy" baby I sent into the surgery room, my mind and heart is right there with you. Just remember, you did what would make him better in the long run. We did not choose this course for our babies, but they were given to us because God knows the love that we have for them and that we would only do what was right for them. You are a strong mommy for making such a hard decision. Not every mommy would be able to do this, but you did and that is what Tucker needed...a whole heart to live a long happy life with you and the rest of your family.

My heart and prayers continue to be with you guys. XOXOXO

Brandie said...

when Luke was in the NICU I couldn't touch him so I sang to him 3 songs..you could try that :) Jesus Loves you and in the place of you say Tucker..You are my sunshine, twinkle twinkle little star, itsy bitsy spider..well that is 4 but you know a person has to change it up..:) you are in my prayers

Trisha King said...

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change... Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

God gave you the Wisdom to bring Tucker to Boston... to Dr. del Nido. He also gave you the Courage to see him through this recovery. I KNOW you have the peace inside you that allows you to accept things you cannot change!

Today was a day. It passes. Tomorrow will be another.

I am praying for you that each tomorrow is a little easier, a little closer to Tucker's recovery. Remember that when it doesn't happen as we plan... it's not failing... it's simply a practice for the race. Slow and Steady wins the race.

Prayers Always,
Trisha and Johnny