I don't know why I am shaking, nervous and crying except I received Tucker's medical records today. Of course I looked at them, with procedures and results. The prognosis...a brief history, as stated on 10/15 of this past year by cardiology....unbalanced AV canal, DORV, small left ventricle, subaortic stenosis, coarctation. Right atrium is enlarged, left atrium is mildly enlarged, there is a large atrial septal defect measuring at least 14 mm in length. There is a large ventricular septal defect.... It goes on to say, and this I need explained, that Tucker remains adequately palliated at this time? What does that word mean? He is OK for now? All these things listed and then "FOR NOW" he is stable? When reading it on paper it is so darn scary. All these things wrong with his little bitty heart.
Tomorrow I will send the records off to Dr del Nido in Boston for a 2nd opinion on Tuckers "stability". It is so scary, so many unknowns. If I knew today that he would live to be 60 with the heart he has, I wouldn't worry....if I knew we could have his heart fixed and he would make it through it , I wouldn't worry.....its the what if we do it and he doesn't, or what if we don't and he doesn't. I just don't know what Todd and I would do, if our son, OUR SUPERMAN, weren't here to hug us and say "e ya yayer". Can you imagine, this Doctor is fixing hearts like Tucker's. FIXING, not transplanting, a whole heart repair. That big list of things wrong, if we qualify, could be GONE...nothing left but a growing heart. Scared? HELL yes. Again those "what ifs" come to mind right off the bat. So do the "what if we dont's".
Birthday Number Twelve
5 weeks ago