31 for 21 FINAL (Entry #31)

I blogged yesterday but didn’t want to count it as my 31 for 21 because I wanted my last post for the Celebration of Downs Syndrome awareness month to be “thoughtful and full of meaning.” I am not sure this one qualifies as that either but …here goes

“Down syndrome” I first heard it at a doctor’s office when I was pulled into a room to meet with a genetic counselor. I knew nothing up until that moment, least of all that they suspected that my unborn son would be born with it. Instant tears streamed my face, wheel chairs, life as we knew it, the “normal” baby /kid stuff started playing in my mind. “I can’t do this”. My life will be over, it isn’t fair to this child IF he is not going to have quality of life. The doctor that day gave me NO warm and fuzzy that it would be OK, he was quite the opposite. Cold and unfeeling (if that is a word)
I was guilty of thinking the worst, not knowing anything about what to expect, thoughts were toyed with ending the pregnancy…heart defects were major.
Today, I shutter at that May visit with that doctor. I shutter at the conversations that Todd and I had. I tear up thinking that I could have chosen to “throw away” this baby boy that fills our hearts with AWE AND JOY.
Down Syndrome is not my son, my son is a person first. He cries, he feels, he babbles and plays and laughs. Is it harder to raise a person with Downs Syndrome? I think the answer is NO. More involved YES, but shouldn’t we, as parents, be in every aspect of our kids lives anyway. Talking to schools about their education, making plans to help them be the best they can be….this should go on with or without “special needs”. We chose to be parents, our children did not chose us,,,I pray when I am done raising my son that he would chose me if he was given the opportunity.